Meltdown.

I just dont understand anymore. I dont understand myself let alone what is going on around me. Why do I let my mind analyse everything. I can't help but go over the same topic in circles around and around. I can't sleep at night. I am constantly having panic attacks. I havent been like this for months. I'm losing my grip on it all. I'll soon be on the bathroom floor. Fighting it all, constantly trying to hold it back, hold that door shut. Crying myself to sleep at night, not knowing if the next day will be any better, not knowing if it will bring a smile. I don't want it to be like this, I don't want to be like this. I cant remember what its like to be happy for more than a day. I need to be happy but I dont know how. I dont know what will stop these feelings.