A Break up

I had been dating someone for a few weeks and we decided to call it official, but it just didnt feel right, hence why I never spoke about it on here. It occurred to me that it wasn't right when a family friend said "Oh so its all new and exciting, yer" and I looked at her confused. She explained she meant how its exciting with all the "firsts". I thought to myself how I had totally forgotten about this aspect of a new relationship because ours wasnt like that. He was lovely and sweet and very much into me but he didn't give me butterflies or make me nervous and the real nail in the breakup coffin was when I realized I barely thought about him. When I did it would just be wondering what he was up to or when he would be home from work. I never fantasized about growing old together or getting married or having kids. As much as girls don't admit it, a large majority do do this, just to different extents.

So I broke it off, and now I'm single and going through the breakup motions. First I felt a sense of freedom, but once the in depth phone conversation ended and I retreated to my room to sleep, I just felt plain alone. Oh yer ... right... this is what sucks about being single...I almost forgot. I even had a shocking dream last night, woke up in an empty house as parents were already at work, I had no one to share it with. Reached for my phone, 7am.  No one I know is awake that early that I would want to share it with, no one but him would understand.

My day is off to a great start as tears well up in my eyes.

When your Young and Dumb

Its hard to describe the way I feel at the moment. I'm am having a very stressful day. Work keeps handing me new tasks and the responsibilties are very different to what I first thought I was in for, and in an ideal world most people (especially those on the outside) go woohoo, promotion, in reality its not making me feel so good.

I'm beginning to look back on what I used to do and wish I could go back to when it was simple and straight forward, when my job description could of been defined in bullet form using only 3 lines.

On another note I thought I found someone I could be happy with, I was wrong.

Day 4 Weigh In

39.2kgs

A gain of 1.2kgs in 4 days.

My body does this, I'll rapidly increase until the 40kg mark and then rapidly decrease.

Interestingly enough I haven't had any time to buy the super super  weight gaining protein powders/meal replacements, the only thing I've changed in my diet is having 2 glasses of milk with Sustagen that I found in the cupboard, I know that Sustagen is similar to the products I wanted to get but it is about medium in the nutritional range when it comes to kjs/calories but it has lots of good stuff and I know the hospitals give it to patients who don't eat enough/need a boost so it must be good. Right? Anyway so I've had one glass through the day and then another glass at night right before I go to bed because I know that this is good for gaining weight and I tend to get hungry right before bed so it works out really good.

I suppose the good thing about trying to gain weight instead of loose it is that instead of preparing meals scrutinizing what I'm putting into it and trying to be healthy (as much I should I know I know) all I have to do is add some special formulated milkshakes to my diet.

 Image courtesy of Spur

I want to do it all!

There are so many things in life I want to do. I want to be rich (not sure about famous. Just like most people. But it's also something I would give up in a heartbeat for true happiness, ie if there was a guy who could guarantee me financial security and a guy that i was crazy about the second would win every time.

I know I'm not going to get there by sitting on my ass, but I just don't know what I want to do yet. I think I'm going to enrol in a course in business management. That might be a start, study never hurts, you only have everything to gain from learning new things and knowing more about the world and how it works.