Oh Golly...All that hard work, new plan

So cut, I got sick and lost the weight I gained.

New plan, I'm going to dig out a pair of jeans I have that would fit me if I was my ideal weight and I'll take a pcture of them on me now, and then do like a progress report. It's more of an incentive for me and I believe it will promote a better body image to others because most people tell me how they wish they were as skinny as me, so I'll take a picture in jeans that don't fit and show them how change-room mirrors arent always friends, even for skinny girls.

Its important to understand that the clothes you see us in didnt just appear out of nowhere, we had to find them to fit our bodies just like overweight people do or about 90% of girls because they have gig thighs or boobs and don't fit into that standard size 8.

Never assume that we can just wear anything, there have been many times where I have looked in the mirror after trying a pair of jeans on and cried, just as over weight girls do. Just because its too big, still means it doesnt fit, and its just the same as when something doesnt fit because its too small. Its still the whole scenario of wanting something and it not looking the way you want it to despite looking a certain way on other people.

Day 4 Weigh In

39.2kgs

A gain of 1.2kgs in 4 days.

My body does this, I'll rapidly increase until the 40kg mark and then rapidly decrease.

Interestingly enough I haven't had any time to buy the super super  weight gaining protein powders/meal replacements, the only thing I've changed in my diet is having 2 glasses of milk with Sustagen that I found in the cupboard, I know that Sustagen is similar to the products I wanted to get but it is about medium in the nutritional range when it comes to kjs/calories but it has lots of good stuff and I know the hospitals give it to patients who don't eat enough/need a boost so it must be good. Right? Anyway so I've had one glass through the day and then another glass at night right before I go to bed because I know that this is good for gaining weight and I tend to get hungry right before bed so it works out really good.

I suppose the good thing about trying to gain weight instead of loose it is that instead of preparing meals scrutinizing what I'm putting into it and trying to be healthy (as much I should I know I know) all I have to do is add some special formulated milkshakes to my diet.

 Image courtesy of Spur

Far too skinny

I am so so so so over looking at photos of myself and thinking how much I look like I'm 12 because I'm far too underweight.

I do not have an eating disorder!

I just cant seem to have a high enough calorie intake to gain weight because of my metabolism.

I posted a while ago about it but now I'm revisiting.

I recently discussed it with a friend who has been involved in body building and he suggested I use protein powders and weight gaining supplements. My worry with this was that if it was oh - so - simple why hadnt one of the many doctors I'd been to or especially the dietitian suggested this instead of threatening me with an admission to hospital if I lost anymore weight.

I've done a lot of reading and I am so desperate that I'm just going to do it despite their thoughts. I had suggested protein replacements to the dietitian but I was met with her screams and obvious negativity to it. The only thing that I can really think of as a valuable argument is that it isn't promoting good eating habits. But I have been severely underweight for many years now, and with the problem just getting worse, and it in itself giving me a long list of health problems that stop me from doing daily activities I don't have much to lose...but everything to gain.

So the next time I am out I will be buying meal replacement powder or protein powder, or atleast a general powder aimed at weight gain.

I will keep you updated on results.

Wish me luck.

A note I left myself whilst drunk.....

"You are responsible for your own actions - deal with your drinking problem"

Clearly I am an intelligent drunk, even my drunk self is concerned for me.

The question I have been pondering the answer to lately is, when is it too much. Where do you draw the line between having a few too many and having a problem.

I quite simply have labeled myself as having a problem because I have been having cravings for alcohol. Its not a huge problem, I have been ignoring these cravings. It would be a big problem if the cravings were so strong that I went and got a drink every time. Growing up I always thought alcohol was pretty much PURE EVIL and wouldnt touch it. Now I drink it a lot, but I don't tend to let myself get out of control drunk, in fact I genuinely like the taste. I drink VERY often but when I do drink I only have 3-4 drinks. When I compare that to my peers I really dont know what to think. As most of my peers drink far less frequently but the quantity of what they drink in one night for some of them beats what I drink in a week.

Or maybe I should just listen to the note I wrote myself and take my own advice.

My weight

This has always been an issue for me. I suffer with my weight alot. The difference with me though is that my problem is I'm far too skinny. I'm underweight and always have been. Its not that I don't eat, I do. Mostly its that I stress too much and I loose weight that way or I do eat but just not a large enough quantity.

So at the moment I weigh 39kgs. I'm publicly announcing it and am going to continue to record it on my blog so that I am forced to face it and deal with it.

According to the doctor I need to be 48 before I'm in my healthy weight range (I'm very short and have a small frame).

At my heaviest I was almost 42, at my lightest (in the past year) I was 36.

I have 9 kgs to go before I'm in a healthy weight range.

Please note: I know I'm skinny, I do not at all have an eating disorder because I do not have a distorted image of my body, I do not hate my body, I do not starve myself, I like my body and I can admit that putting on a few kgs would do me some good.