Love...

All I ever really want is for someone to tickle my back and play with my hair and stick around for idk...the rest of my life?

That would be nice.

Of course there are other things I want in someone, but those two are surprisingly hard to come by.

Day 14 weight in (22nd of may)

40.5 kgs. That puts my total gain at 2.5 kgs.

Wow, 2 weeks and TWO AND A HALF KILOGRAMS. That is amazing results for me. I have been trying to put on weight for so long! I'm so happy and I would recommend protein shakes to anyone, and I'm only using your everyday supermarket variety, I havent even gone up into the body building strengths!

Next I think I need to hit the gym (if only I could find time) and work on my sleeping pattern.

I've noticed a difference in my health, I don't feel as lethargic and have much more energy, although I still get tired easily I seem to be getting more done and without the help of energy drink. (I know its very bad for you but it helped me get motivated with things like study).

Hi John, Im going to respond here :)

I'm going to reply to your comment in a new post because it touches on another issue I wanted to talk about.

John Said...

"I think its strange that while in the relationship that you didnt feel any of the happy clicks of companionship, yet once it ended you felt the pain.
I wish I could say something helpful, but ive been alone so long that I feel a comfort in being so.

It took awhile for me to learn an understand what 40kg is, but I have finally, From what I understand, if your like 5 feet tall, then that could be really thin. Some guys find that very attractive. I dont recall you saying that youve been sick this year, so your health seems fine. Fat people get colds often. I think a plus of being underweight is that its much easier to gain muscle.

Anyways, Stay strong, and in time a better man will come along."

Firstly on the relationship topic, yes the pain I felt mde me wonder if I had felt more than I initially thought.

Now about my weight, yes I am around 5ft tall which makes 40kgs super skinny but only bordering on sickly skinny (to look at). Some guys find it as an attractive quality but most will compliment on other things and then later on down the track say that I need to put a bit of weight on. Usually along the lines of "Your gorgeous but it wouldn't hurt to put a couple of kilos on" which is completely true! I do need to. The WORRYING part about being this skinny is the compliments I get from other girls. Some strangers will even stop me in bars and clubs and point out to their friends how "amazingly skinny" I am and continue with something like "Gee I wish I could be that skinny". It is so very wrong!!! I always tell these girls how I am actually underweight and not in a healthy weight range and have complications because of it because I hate to think of myself as some sort of skinny role model for the girls who think they are fat.


So the guys don't see it as a fantastic asset but the girls do. And who are us girls trying to impress? I always argue with friends that alot of the clothes we wear don't appeal to guys but to girls. Lets face it, some of the fashion trends just arent flattering *cough cough* herem pants.

A Break up

I had been dating someone for a few weeks and we decided to call it official, but it just didnt feel right, hence why I never spoke about it on here. It occurred to me that it wasn't right when a family friend said "Oh so its all new and exciting, yer" and I looked at her confused. She explained she meant how its exciting with all the "firsts". I thought to myself how I had totally forgotten about this aspect of a new relationship because ours wasnt like that. He was lovely and sweet and very much into me but he didn't give me butterflies or make me nervous and the real nail in the breakup coffin was when I realized I barely thought about him. When I did it would just be wondering what he was up to or when he would be home from work. I never fantasized about growing old together or getting married or having kids. As much as girls don't admit it, a large majority do do this, just to different extents.

So I broke it off, and now I'm single and going through the breakup motions. First I felt a sense of freedom, but once the in depth phone conversation ended and I retreated to my room to sleep, I just felt plain alone. Oh yer ... right... this is what sucks about being single...I almost forgot. I even had a shocking dream last night, woke up in an empty house as parents were already at work, I had no one to share it with. Reached for my phone, 7am.  No one I know is awake that early that I would want to share it with, no one but him would understand.

My day is off to a great start as tears well up in my eyes.